Captain Grays journal Essay Example

Captain Grays journal Essay Example Captain Grays journal Essay Captain Grays journal Essay An unusual static and void nocturnal silence hovered above Beaumont Hamel. Sitting in his dugout, Captain Gray couldnt find any suitable words to send to his wife. His instincts told him that to write a letter would be equivalent to saying farewell, an idea he deplored as it bordered with superstition. Grays eyelids were heavy, but no slumber seemed to follow this natural sign of exhaustion. With his brain filled with confused angry thoughts he opened his journal. Seeing the blank page, the monotonous parallel lines made the thoughts in his mind seem grotesque, exaggerated and monstrous! Eventually they twisted themselves into acceptable words that came streaming down onto the page like dark water percolating through a stoved ships side. Gray wrote; Constant vigilance is the key to survive this War. Tommorow we shall attack, or rather poke the hundred headed Ladon with a twig. I know I mustnt break down, for as a commanding officer I must be an example to my men. I shall grit my teeth and be with them until my time comes. The men must must believe in their officers and have reason to do so. It has been agreed that if I am to fall, Wraysford will take over my platoon. I am glad about this arrangement; I like and trust that laddie, despite the fact that I find him difficult to read. He didnt back out when he was given the chance, now I am convinced hell manage this. Our lives depend on strategies, on strategies and also irresponsible and embarrasingly well educated generals, who still seem to think of this slaughter as of a welcome release from a decadent existance. The 29th Division are waiting for us and I fail to see the point of this codswallop about the wire being cut, when it isnt!?! One would think wed have the advantage of the night on our side at least, but no! A generation of young men, to which I belong. must march in daylight like slow approaching targets up hill oblivious to the suicide they are commiting. Faith pushes them, like it pushed inocent Tess Durbeyfield into Alec violent posession. We all shall become less inocent against our will tommorrow He paused, unable to continue, wiping a bead of nervous sweat from just below the point where his brown hair began to grow on his forehead. Putting his pen down he stood up, knocking over a glass, that still had the traces of dried golden whisky, from the improvised bookshelf that hung low over his bed. The fragile transparent solid cracked as it hit the floor. Gray automatically swore and disposed of the pieces, cutting a finger as he did so. He took out his cigarette case from its usual pocket, lit the last one remaining and inhaled the familiar, appealing and reassuring poison of the tobacco, feeling the welcome numbness disperse through the veins in his once youthful body. The solitude in which he performed this ritual, though unusual for him. Satisfied his need for escapism. The smell lingered in his well shaped moustache as he went back to his entry and wrote; Barclay is barking mad to have agreed to this; either that or as short sighted as Haig or Rawlinson. Remarkable what rank can do to a character, although I doubt that he was less ignorant in the past. He just doesnt seem to realize that were not playing a game and that hes not commanding toy armies, but young men of flesh and red hot blood, who will die while he drinks ruby wine in a peaceful garden. Dinner at Beaupaume indeed! I am sorry for the men hes in charge of, who understand just what an abomination he is. As much as I enjoy a good meal, I dont think that I would take much pleasure in a victorious dinner at the cost of half my country. I would rather continue sharing my rations or my favourite walnut cake that Joyce sometime sends me and know Im having it in the worthy company of my comrades.. Gray swallowed and closed the diary. He lay back suppressing tears of forced resolution. Clutching the book in his hand, he let his meditation sidetrack to images of his wife and home in Edinburgh. As he entered into a reverie, he saw her reading his journal, weeping. He dreamt for an hour, suffering nightmare after nightmare. At eleven thirty, when his batman Watson pulled him out of a macabre dreamt up game of pelmanism that involved parts of the human body, Gray was temporarily relieved. That didnt last long, for as he walked towards the loud speaker, he felt that nothing had prepared him for what he was expected to do. ;